everyone needs at least one good friend. if you find yourself to have been blessed with more, than consider yourself very lucky. my one good (true) friend recently came to stay with me for a few days before heading off on a grand adventure. this dear old friend knows me better than most anybody, although my husband would probably beg to differ. my dear old friend came bearing such an extraordinary gift during our visit, although i wasn't completely open to receiving it while he was here, and i'm sure he wasn't quite aware that he had even brought a gift. no, it wasn't a knick knack from his travels or something he's been holding onto for years, waiting for the perfect time to bestow it upon me. it isn't something that can fit in a box or get delivered by the mail man. it's something only a dear old friend can give and it's perspective.
for the past few months i have been trying to keep this blog alive, but every time i sit to write, my page is filled with words of frustration and sorrow. i've shared a fraction of the inner turmoil i've experienced in my very short lifetime, which has felt to continually grow into this web of desolation and fear. i was broken with no answers, no illumination. i continued to wake and take in oxygen each day knowing my desire for resolve was great, but having absolutely positively no ability to make sense of what i needed to get there, nor the emotional stability to get through the day. i started to question the chemicals flowing through my brain and wondered if i would ever be the same again. now, i must not continue further without stating how utterly transcendent my world would become when my eyes would meet those of my sons'. i guess you could say the only thing that gave each day form was the pure, radiant light that shown through my son's eyes. children are truly a blessing....and so is a true friend.
leave it to someone who knows you well to give you a little perspective. it feels good to have someone who knows you remind you of who you are, especially when you're lost. so many things became so crystal clear as if i had taken a time machine back to the past where i began, where i discovered who i am, where my life made sense, where i didn't feel like a stranger in a strange land; and to be able to remember what compassion feels like. i realized how small and devastating my world had become and what i needed to do to reclaim myself. this is by no means a small task, but i feel equipped now to live in the present and move forward with purpose.
who knows what the next season will bring, however, i know what i will bring to the next season. life is too exciting of an experience to not chase it and engage it. if i've learned anything in life, it's to be true to yourself... embark on new journeys and new ways, but never feel the need to be something or do something that does not make you happy.
if you would like to follow the adventures and musings of my one good friend making his way across the country, follow him here,
http://traversingqueer.blogspot.com
