a platform from which to jump beyond myself...

i have been hesitant to post because a lack of weight loss makes a blog about weight loss rather pointless, right? i'm glad you understand my dilemma...as you may know, my husband and i recently packed up and moved 2600 miles away from our family. i have absolutely no reservations about taking this step, however, my emotions are at an all time high and i'd like to take you on a journey to the past where i might be able to portray the condition in which i now find myself. don't get me wrong, change towards health IS in progress, it's just not at the rate i'm comfortable with. let me explain...

lets go back in time to 2006 where there is a new project on my horizon. although there are many areas of my life that are in need of improvement, i always manage to find ways to shake up my soul and harden my muscles. my neighbor Jane, who is absolutely wonderful and someone i look up to, has been toying with what to do with a mound of dirt and weeds she regrets to call her front yard. after a little talking and much day dreaming on my part, we decide to execute a plan to xeriscape, which is really the only smart way to go in a desert climate. for those who have no idea what i'm referring to, xeriscaping is a way of landscaping or gardening that eliminates or reduces the need for supplemental water. so after running some numbers and getting supplies together, a friend and i get tilling. over the next few weeks, our project takes great form. my free time consists of hauling rock and planting perennials. ah, to be outside... the sun, nothing short of bliss. my body is working mechanically, doing what it loves and craves. my brain is stimulated by design and transformation. my heart, whole and happy; having an opportunity to do something wonderful for Jane, who has been contemplating what to do with her yard for nearly a decade. another perfect platform from which to jump beyond myself.

it is now 2013 and i am an overweight mother. i have this little bundle of boyhood that excites every part of my waking moment. he is my reason for waking up each day and living it to its fullest capacity. i have learned so many lessons from him and couldn't possibly comprehend living a life without him in it....but how many hours are there in a day? i am in a constant state of, stay at home mom gets nothing accomplished, while it was always rigorous activities and a bounty of projects that helped me to stay well. with 2600 miles distance from my family, there are no opportunities to call on my mother or mother-in-law and say, hey, come on over and watch the little guy because i'm itching to get my hands dirty. living in a new place takes time to build trusted connections, but even so, i am not out there as i have been, working, meeting new people, creating connections. i in a way, have taken backseat to my own life and while there are so many things to be grateful for, my time is not quite my own. i have a new role and am adjusting quite slowly. nap times are handy, but they are fleeting. i find myself situating my son in front of a television to take a shower....and while my emotions get the best of the reflection in the mirror, i know that i am making changes in other ways, that the mirror doesn't see. so please forgive me, friends, i have not let you all down. i have not let myself down, i am only learning to live my life differently than before. i am trying to find ways to fulfill my happiness, that will reflect on my bathroom scale. i am trying to enjoy exercise that comes in the form of a boy named Duncan. i am trying...i am trying so that i might see my son grow and succeed, and learn that nothing worthwhile in this life comes easy or without patience.

adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience
                                  -Ralph Waldo Emerson