today marks two years since my first highly anticipated "due date." (12-11-11) i marvel at all that has come to pass, and how quickly time has flown while having lots of fun. being a mom is next to nothing...it tops all my experiences, and leaves me feeling so very humbled, and fulfilled....which is why i'm pleased to say another baby is on his way! this time, the highly anticipated date looks like this! (2-24-14)
this post isn't all about sharing my excitement, but also about sharing "this" experience. no two births, children, or pregnancies are the same, which is why i need to vent!
i am a prime example of the modern mother who looks toward evidence based medicine and care. i also would say my ideals and values fall heavily within the model of midwifery care. i don't believe that pregnancy is an illness or disease, or something that should be regarded with fear! yes, birth is serious, it's diving into the unknown, and it also can be very intimidating; but fear should never enter the arena, especially from those you have employed to help you in your journey. this is where my frustration starts.
on April 20, 2011, i found out i was unexpectedly pregnant. it was a very surreal and delightful day...and i can say looking back, everyday after that was filled with much of the same. i went into pregnancy not knowing much, and like many women, not knowing i had many options. the only thing i knew for sure was that i wanted to have a natural birth. i wanted to experience birth as nature created and i also wanted to feed my child from my own breasts...that i knew. having no insurance but an income we were happy with, it was exciting to find an option that we could afford and also an option that put me and my body in control of the process. i went through my whole pregnancy feeling empowered, prepared, appreciated, loved and supported. yes, when the labor contractions began, did i fear them...a little- but i also knew without any hesitation that my body and mind were capable and strong. i had prepared myself for this challenge and had spent the last six plus months with a group of women and men seeking the same wonderful experience. again, i had support. my husband was my greatest strength and so were the wonderful midwives that completely transformed my life and views on what birth actually looks and feels like.
last night i had my usual, now bi-weekly, pre-natal visit with my midwife. i do really like my midwife. her name is Cindy and she embraces the natural process of birth, but also falls victim to the heightened annoyances that you find in most medical institutions regarding fear.( that are ever so prevalent in hospitals) you see this time around, we have one meager income and public health insurance. our insurance binds us to a level of care that does not fit into my understanding or psychology of birth. you see here in Maine, numbers are dramatically low, which is to be celebrated. low induction rates, low Cesarean rates, and pain medication for laboring women only found it's way to the labor room earlier this year. (this hospital has been in operation for over thirty years) women here in Maine have natural childbirth. it's a huge part of this culture and i really embrace these non makeup wearing, rough around the edges, breastfeeding, unmedicated birthing, women. ultimately, these institutions practice the evidence based care that this country is so in need of....but i am, by numbers, obese. due to that body mass index number, fear has now become a huge part of my care and completely unnecessarily! yes, i wish my husband wasn't such an amazing cook sometimes, and yes, i wish my desire to curb some of my unhealthy habits came more easily, but it's a work in progress. isn't everything in our lives? yes, i wish i had more cardiovascular strength, but i am a strong woman. i am so strong, that i am not going to let these fear mongers destroy everything i've worked so hard to achieve.
so now the talk is transferring me to a hospital an hour and a half away because this hospital is more equipped to handle all the what ifs...never mind that my pregnancy thus far has been nothing short of a normal, low-risk, healthy pregnancy. i'm not even going to go into all the ridiculous talk i've had to endure! i will take this experience under my belt, push my baby out, and promise to keep my true ambition in front of me...that is to one day become a childbirth educator and doula, and help all those women out there that are being fed fear and prejudice. we women are powerful creatures. we deserve nothing but words of encouragement and opportunity!
i would like to personally thank groups in place like, http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/ and http://plussizebirth.com/blog/psmmblog for enriching the lives, thoughts and attitudes of pregnant women all over the world.
thoughts become things... I WILL BIRTH AND FEED MY BABY!
No comments:
Post a Comment