Winter Solstice

this post is a story about my first birth experience to a little 6 pound 13 ounce baby we named Duncan Grey. the name Duncan came from the surname of my husband's great grandmother, Alexia Odessa Duncan. the name Grey came from my father's brother, Morris Grey, who passed at the young age of 19, by way of a car accident.

it was December 19, 2011 when i first remember the the beginning of my labor. i ate Corned Beef and Cabbage that evening, thinking how funny it would be if i did go into labor that night. i'm pretty sure Corned Beef and Cabbage was the exact meal i had eaten the night i had conceived, so it would be more than appropriate, even uncanny! sure enough, contractions did start to roll. they were questionable, easy, strange. i knew things were different and felt excitement that all the waiting was worth it. i went to bed that night not knowing what would happen next.

i slept through the night, waking at times, shifting, trying to get comfortable. the next morning came, and my contractions were still present but very sporadic. i had a date with my midwife that day...i called in to see if they wanted me to come in, or if i should just stay at home and hope that contractions would pick up. they wanted to see me, even though i didn't want to be seen. i wanted to stay at home, comfortable, and encourage my body to do what it was made to do. my husband put on Indian flute music, and i lay on the couch, looking out through the window at the bare trees, thinking that soon our lives would change forever. my contractions were very curious. i would have a few five to seven minutes apart and then go for lengths without any. it was a bit frustrating and tiresome. as the day went on, i began having to breathe through them. we went to my appointment where they put my on a monitor to see how the baby was doing. he was great, much better than his antsy mom was doing. i had declined internal checks up to this point, even though i was 9 days past my due date, simply because i didn't want to get my hopes up and then be let down. today was different. i was so curious as to the strides my body had been making the last 30 hours. 1 centimeter. i had dilated 1 centimeter. it was depressing, although i was 80 percent effaced. it wasn't all bad, i learned that baby was in the right position for labor and was at station zero, which means the baby had officially engaged into my pelvis. my midwife asked if i would like her to sweep my membranes, which can make labor progress, i agreed. we also agreed that if contractions did not pick up very soon, that in a day, i would come back first thing in the morning to start what my midwives jokingly called, eviction day. i would bring my black and blue Cohash that had been purchased and guarded by my kitchen cabinet. my midwives might even make me a special Castor oil milkshake....i was also to continue all the natural induction methods i had been using for almost two weeks. i had been taking evening primrose oil religiously, and going for walks, trying everything.  i was visited my friend from out of town that evening, who was home for Christmas. he brought me a warm yummy drink and we sat around chatting for quite awhile. my contractions were still coming, but noticed that i was having to focus more than before. they were definitely starting to get painful and i crossed my fingers that tonight could be the night.

i slept horribly! i awoke thinking today would be a great day to have a baby! 12/21/11 i'm kind of into numbers...anyhow, i started the day encouraging this little being inside of me to make himself known. i had to get this baby out or tomorrow i would have to evict him. i spent the day with my husband walking and talking, eating, cleaning...i started using a Rebozo, which is a long flat garment used by women in Mexico. it can be used to promote proper baby position and aides in relaxation during labor. my contractions were still inconsistent, but i was having a hard time getting through them so i knew good things were coming.

evening came and my contractions had become closer together. i was having them every 3-5 minutes, lasting about a minute. our protocol for being a first time mother was come in when you are at 3-2-1. contractions three minutes apart, lasting a minute, ongoing for two hours. as my husband and i retired for the night, we attempted to try something we hadn't...nipple stimulation. it was another natural induction method that we had sort of forgot about. wow, that sped things up like crazy. it sped things up so much that i started having contraction on top of contraction. i told my husband to call the midwife as i was all of the sudden worried i wouldn't make it to the birth center on time to have this baby. i couldn't talk very well, i couldn't think very well, but at 11 PM i was up and in the car. i endured the fifteen minute drive to the birth center where i was met by the most beautiful, soothing, birthing goddess. my midwife guided me inside where she performed an internal exam. i had dilated to about 4 centimeters....that's it i thought! we decided that i should walk around the birthing suite for an hour, without nipple stimulation, to see how i would progress. it wasn't really until this time that i had realized i had been holding back. i guess you could say, i was fighting back and not allowing my baby to move through my body. she sensed this right away and for the first time i began letting my contractions move through me as though i was going to rip in half. i started using vocalization too, which really helped. she came back into the room about an hour later, gave me another exam and said i hadn't progressed very much. i was in so much discomfort that i felt i was at my contractions mercy. she then gave me options. i could stay at the center, and work on my labor, or she could give me a bit of morphine, send me home for a nights rest and come back first thing in the morning. she said the morphine would allow me to sleep although it would not stop my labor. i was discouraged and tired and decided a night of sleep was what i needed. after all, birthing a baby is hard work and i hadn't had much sleep the past two nights. a shot in the bum and we were headed for home. i lay in my bed, waiting for contractions to settle but they didn't. i was angry at myself for not just staying and birthing my baby....i suppose being a larger woman, the morphine hadn't affected me like it would a more average sized woman. i needed relief and couldn't lay in bed all night with these crazy contractions. i told my husband i would draw a bath and rest in the bathroom. he followed me in and sat with me the whole night. apparently i would doze off, but would wake with each contraction. my sweet husband...he sat there the whole night timing my contractions, making sure i was safe in my morphine induced state and waited patiently till the morning. my bag of waters broke sometime in the early morning with the pressure of an intense contraction. when sunrise came, my husband got me up, dressed and prepared me eggs and toast. i couldn't eat. i was still so hypnotic and questioned if i was going to be able to do this. my husband calmly said to me that we could go to the hospital if i really wanted , but that i had made it this far, and that i could do this for our son. he was right, i could do this!

December 22, 2011 Winter Solstice-by the time we got to the birth center, i was feeling less groggy. i again was met by my birthing coach and immediately began an internal exam...six, close to seven centimeters! it was at this point i flung all the doubt and frustration out the window, and thought, let's have this baby! i had progressed far enough that i could now get into the tub. i had wanted to birth my baby in water. the water felt great, but it was seemingly slowing my labor down so i got out and was met with a birth assistant. my husband had been performing all the labor relieving tactics up to this point, but the assistant took over. she had me moving around, doing lounges, providing me with water, reminding me to pee...she was my doula and helped to support my husband as well. i couldn't find a comfortable position to save my life and so back into the tub i went. i loved feeling the water hug my big belly...i soon inquired when i could start pushing. i had been laboring at the center for about three and a half hours at this point, when my midwife had come in. she said, try to push and if it feels good, do it! if it doesn't, stop. i gave a nice push, and nothing hurt. i pushed again. i decided i wanted out of the water, as i couldn't get into a solid position. i made me way to the bed and began pushing....i started to have surges, and knew it wouldn't be long now. after about 45 minutes of pushing, my son's heartbeat started to drop. the umbilical cord was wrapped around his arm and the contractions were pushing him through the birth canal causing strain on his oxygen flow...i needed oxygen for him. my midwife called on my other midwife to come in and assist. i had oxygen strapped to my face, and all i remember is my husband standing next to me on the right, coaching me to breathe for our little Duncan. breathe, he kept telling me. our baby needs oxygen, breathe! close to an hour of pushing and one of my midwives takes my hand and draws it below to the large head, full of hair, i had been working so hard to push out. his head was out! i could do this. my midwife says to me, come'on Paige, we have to get him out! i took some deep breathes, waited for a surge, and roared like the loudest lion has ever roared. my midwife caught him and laid him on my shriveled stomach. this moment i will never forget.. he was so small...the cord had stopped pulsating very quickly and my husband made cuts to severe it. i took my sweet little babe to my chest and with my husband began spouting words of love and excitement as i birthed the beautiful placenta that had kept him safe. later that eve we were able to go home with our new son. we were met by family excited to meet the little boy that had made us all wait for so long.

Duncan was more than worth the pain, sweat and tears. he made me a mother. he gave me strength i didn't know i had. i am so blessed that i was able to have this natural, empowered experience. Duncan will always be our sweet solstice baby, and the best Christmas gift we could have ever asked for.